Don’t you just hate that phrase when you hear it at the end of a relationship? It sounds like the biggest copout and a total lie, but what if it’s true? What if it’s the real reason why every relationship ends badly?
In relationship, we sometimes show up with a loaded gun from our past and it’s locked and loaded with childhood trauma, wounds and pain. And then one day your partner says something to you and BOOM the gun goes off, there’s an explosion and someone gets hurt. We then accuse our partner of ‘triggering’ us. It’s all their fault but is it? A trigger is just a small piece of harmless metal. So your partner isn’t responsible for it being loaded, you are.
This may be a concept that you haven’t considered before, because we’re conditioned to look outside of ourselves for answers and when we look outside, we can find people and things to blame. That’s easy. It’s harder to go inside and look at ourselves because that’s what we avoid at all costs.
Imagine a small child coming to your front door and when you open it, you see that they are very upset, crying, in pain, confused and not knowing what to do, so you close the door and go back to what you were doing. I doubt that you would feel good about that. You would intuitively want to help that child, listen to it and maybe even give it a hug, but you don’t do that for yourself. Do you? Instead you find blame, distractions and ignore the small voice inside of you crying out for help. We all do this until one day (hopefullly) someone brings our attention to the fact that we might be the common denominator in all of our unfulfilling relationships and perhaps it’s not them, it’s us.
So you see…”It’s not you, it’s me” is a very accurate statement, so take ownership of your wounds and get help to heal them before a relationship or you will continue to go from one bad relationship to another. I know, I’ve been there.
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